Best in Beef 2011

December 28, 2011 4 comments

2011 was a down-year for rap beef. It was full of these little mini-tiffs that never went anywhere (Yelawolf v. Machine Gun Kelly) and has-beens trying to hang on (Canibus v. Slaughterhouse and J.Cole). Rappers are slacking: CHRIS BROWN has been in more beef than anybody this year. While I’m glad that the absence of conflict means less senseless violence, I couldn’t get at least ONE chair-throwing incident at an awards show?

Here’s a rundown of Beef 2011. And for 2012? OVOXO Drake sending his supposed goons at Matisyahu at his next show.

Kreayshawn v. Rick Ross

Kreayshawn called Rick Ross a fake in a “freestyle” and bet $5 he couldn’t find his dick. Ross, after polishing off a plate of lemon pepper Wingstop and some Rosé, responded in boss-like fashion: “I’ll pay $50K to mess up your whole week.” We did get treated to an entourage confrontation at the VMAs, but ultimately this went nowhere. Ross has bigger chicken wings to fry and Kreayshawn and V-Nasty are busy kicking Lil’ Debbie out of White Girl Mob.

Chris Brown v. Odd Future


In a bid to show that he’s harder than Snuggles the Bear, Chris Brown goes out of his way to beef to let people know he ain’t no punk. After the Rihanna beatdown, he moved up a couple weight classes and even decided to fight with males now!

Through the magic of Twitter, he got into a back and forth with Tyler and Hodgy of Odd Future after denouncing “demonic” music and saying they attacked him to get more Twitter followers. Yeah, because the number of Twitter followers you have completely validates your e-existence (follow me @theactualfred). Tensions escalated with Chris Brown’s cousins following Frank Ocean (“Take the fade!”) and Tyler saying Brown asks his barber for a “Fucked Up With A Taper.” Frankie got in the best jab (“… [he] reminds me of a young sisqo or ike turner.”) before both parties made up. And by made up, I mean Tyler threatens to stab Chris Brown in his gotdamn esophagus when he performs “Yonkers.”

Consequence v. G.O.O.D. Music

I went in depth about this for Potholes In My Blog here, but it basically started with Consequence feeling he wasn’t getting enough quality time with Kanye West. Mind you, Kanye had his hands full with the Pusha T signing, Watch the Throne activities, designing ugly sneakers and controlling threesomes. He accused Pusha of biting, made a bizarre video that labeled Kanye a “puppet master” and featured Drake holding a teacup (ahem, @DrakeDoinThings) , released some diss tracks, and made a general ass of himself in an interview with Sway that was so embarrassing, Q-Tip got on Twitter to apologize for Cons’ behavior.

Pusha T’s response nailed it the most basic terms possible: nobody’s checking for Consequence, and he used his guest verse on Ace Hood’s “Go N Get It” remix to threaten to bump off Consequence and his teeth (and how does a @ConsequenceTeeth Twitter not exist yet? Fabolous’ chipped tooth has one!)

Consequence has since made peace with Kanye and Q-Tip, but the Pusha T issue has yet to be resolved. You’d think Consequence would extinguish the flames on this bridge as quickly as possible to salvage a chance to contribute to the upcoming G.O.O.D. Music compilation, but I guess pride’s a muthafucka.

Lil’ Kim v. Nicki Minaj

*Brooke Valentine voice* It’s about to be a girl fight.

The Lil’ Kim/Nicki Minaj thing has been simmering for a while now, but 2011 has featured the biggest highlights yet. While Kim’s “Black Friday” single has been out since November 2010, the Black Friday mixtape came out this year and prompted Queen Bee to make the most ludicrous claim of the year:

When was the last time you bought a mixtape? Furthermore, when was the last time you bought something Lil’ Kim released? PayPal President Scott Thompson should have sued for defamation.

Lil’ Kim has been on the media tour promoting her comeback attempt, mentioning Nicki Minaj whenever she can because she’s the most relevant thing associated with her nowadays. It’s like rappers have verbal SEO strategies: if they mention Jay-Z or Nicki Minaj in their interviews, interest is automatically generated because people are checking for Jigga or Nicki news, not necessarily for the latest on Beanie Sigel and Lil’ Kim.

Nicki had mostly stuck to subliminals in regards to Lil’ Kim, but in April a snippet of the Barbie’s response, “Tragedy,” leaked:



Pink Friday Eminem 8 Mile
It must hurt to sell your album on PayPal
Especially when you in the game 15-20
You was hot when Shaq teamed up with Penny
Man, you was Magic, I mean,
Look at you now hoe, you just tragic
You a tragedy, you a parody
Last name Ann, first name Raaaaagggeeedddyyyyy
This goofy bitches is stupidity personified
Ayo Wayne, you wanna gully
Go to Gaza side.


“The Bridge is Over” it ain’t, and the full version has yet to be released, but at least it’s something. Kim doesn’t have Biggie writing her rhymes anymore and from the looks of the above, Nicki might not have a ghostwriter, so I don’t expect big things from either side in terms of quality diss records. Rumor had it that it was going to be on Tha Carter IV, but later reports confirmed that the “tragedy” was actually Carter IV itself.

Maybach Music Group v. Corporate Thugz Entertainment

Now THIS is rap beef. Big, juicy, sink-your-teeth-into-and-get-high-blood-pressure beef. I’m going to Vons right now and buying out the charcoal aisle.

Young Jeezy has been denying there’s beef with Rick Ross, saying that “beef is for rappers.” I don’t know what Jeezy thinks he is (CEO? Kingpin? Professional ad-libber?), but he’s certainly wearing a rapper’s uniform. While he’s saying all the right things in interviews, CTE signees Freddie Gibbs and Freeway have taken their shots at MMG on Gibbs’ Cold Day in Hell.

Gibbs on “187 Proof”



Straight Gary gangsta shit, didn’t come up off no fucking gimmicks, bitch
2Pac ain’t back cuz he got set up and shot in the chest
Biggie ain’t either, so won’t y’all gon’ let them n***** rest?


and:



187 ways to die, bitch, this the end
6 n***** put 600 holes in yo’ 600 bitch.


Freeway on “Anything to Survive”



It’s kinda hard when n****** that swear to be made men just can’t maintain their silence.


and



These other n****** telling fairy tales, but we them guys.


Freeway’s shots are more of a stretch, but the “made men” part stands out as a reference to MMG’s Self Made Vol. 1 compilation, and the “fairy tales” line alludes to the most basic criticism of Rick Ross: his stories of moving kilos of coke are on Mother Goose status. Of course, maybe 3% of rappers have done what they claim, but Rick Ross gets singled out due to his mix of extravagance and success. Until I see a rapper posing with dope on the table while holding two forms of identification, I view it all as a bunch of pro wrestling-style posturing.

There have been no indications that MMG will respond, so for now the beef remains on low heat. All I wanted in my stocking this year (besides some Hennessy) was a Meek Mill response, but it looks like we’ll have to wait and see what 2012 throws on the grill.

YMCMB v. Fashion

One of my friends recently pointed out that Drake has succeeded despite two major flaws: he can’t dance, and he can’t dress. I’m not exactly a fashionista, but that’s due to my colorblindness. On numerous occasions I’ve purchased light pink clothing that I thought was white. But even I can tell that Weezy and Drake are committing crimes against fashion.

What’s beef? Beef is when I wouldn’t wear whatever they’re wearing in the streets.