September 25, 2013 3 comments
You know they chose that font in one of two ways: Either by holding five different meetings dedicated to this specific decision, or by Googling “Miami font.”
EYEBROWS, YO. Lookin’ like God came down from heaven to sculpt those little follicle masterpieces himself.
I have to assume that A$AP Rocky was the only other rapper pretty enough to be in this video with Drake because his presence makes no sense otherwise. Drizzy needed someone who exfoliates and has a dermatologist recommended skincare regimen and keeps his braids all deep conditioned and supple.
“I’m coming, ok?” is literally the only part of this video that makes any sense in the context of the song—and even then, just barely.
See how Drake doesn’t even have to explain anything and they all know exactly what’s up? It’s probably because they’re wearing those OVO owl friendship pendants that Drake gave them which bring them all together as one like those magic rings that the Planeteers wore to summon Captain Planet. That, or Drake and his friends share a single heartbeat. Iunno.
Look at Drake—the only one in white like the regal, angel knight that he is. (How much do you want to bet that the entire concept of this video revolved around a scenario where it made sense for Drake to be in a white lounge suit, because lolz this video makes no sense.)
JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE HAD A CHANCE TO APPRECIATE THE EYEBROWS AGAIN.
Drake: I need some guns for this part.
The crew brings in guns.
Drake: Like, a lot of guns.
The crew brings in additional guns.
Drake: MORE GUNS. MORE GUNS. MORE GUNS. MORE GUNS. MORE GUNS.
The crew robs an armory.
Appreciate this moment right here because this is likely the Drake-iest moment in the history of Drakedom. I’m worried about what will happen if he ever tops this. Jaden Smith might just immediately drop dead from the emotional stimulation.
Why do they need to wear ski masks when the guy who kidnapped Drake’s girlfriend quite clearly knows exactly who Drake is? Just sayin’.
You know Drake coached her on getting the perfect sad, vulnerable face: “No, no, no. Make your lips more pouty! Like this!”
How come no one told Drake that there’s no Oscar for Best Male Performance in a Music Video?
I resent the fact that we’re expected to believe a reality in which Drake shoots someone point blank in the head.
Pause. Where the hell is A$AP Rocky? Obviously the ski masks make it difficult to tell, but we all know good and goddman well that A$AP Rocky’s ass would not be holding anybody down in a shootout. But then again, Drake’s participating, so what the hell?
Drake has now murdered two people at point blank range—in addition to whoever he took out in the earlier shooting. See, I told you this video was supposed to be funny.
No, Drake. You still can’t win an Oscar for a music video even if it’s really, really, really good.
Listen, if you’ve just saved me from a kidnapping and a bloody gunfight, don’t start making out with me—CHECK ME FOR INJURIES FOOL. There might be some internal bleeding up in there. At least ask if I’m ok! Come on.
Oh yeah, Drake. You cover up that good girl with your sweater, Drake. But don’t cover up her ass because you have to remind us that even though you’re sensitive and you care about her comfort, you’re still a virile drug dealer with lots of guns.