November 20, 2012 5 comments
Ty$ recently posed a burning question to the masses: “how many hos can I fit in my cabana?” Well, I decided to mathematically determine just that. I got your back, TyDollarSign.
(All measurements are in feet. Fuck you, metric system.)
First, we have to take into account the size of a “cabana.” A cabana, according to Wikipedia (the most trusted name in cabana information), is “a small hut built with a thatched roof.” Great, but we need dimensions here. A quick Google search reveals a wiseGEEK answer to our question. Cabanas can range from as small as 4×4 to as big as 40×80. Ty$ ain’t gonna be caught dead with a 16-square foot cabana, but I think 40×80 might just be outside of his price range. The most common size cabanas are 10×10, so we have 100 square feet to work with. For argument’s sake, let’s say the height is that of an average bedroom: 10 feet. So we have 100 square feet of floor space, and 1000 cubic feet within the cabana.
Now, how do we go about measuring the dimensions of a ho? What’s a prototypical ho? Since cabanas are traditionally found in warm climates near bodies of water, and since their women are known to be the most bootylicious, let’s say the archetype of a ho is a fine Brazilian woman. (If you disagree, comment with your own favorite country of big booty guhl origin.) ChaCha tells us that the average height of a Brazilian woman is 5 foot 2.2 inches. 2.2 inches divided by 12 in a foot is .1833, so the average height is 5.1833 feet.
Here’s tricky part: we have to determine how wide and how thick a Brazilian woman is. As one who is familiar with the rap music, I often hear the measurements “36-24-36”, meaning bust-waist-hip size. This tells me that a 36” around waist is best. But come on, that’s just a slightly above average booty. A big booty gotta be at least 4 inches greater, so let’s say… 40” is our hip size. But how wide is that? Well, we so often hear the “round” or “apple” booty praised, so for the sake of this calculation, let us pretend that this fictitious trollop is round at the waist. To find the diameter of the booty, I shall use this equation:
d = C/π
Bw = Hm/π (Booty width = Hip measurement / π)
Bw = 3.33/3.14 = 1.06156051’
Now, I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t seem right. Because this girl is round, the thickness and the width would be the same. But everybody knows a fine ho has a width-to-thickness ratio of about 1.5:1. So how about we say the width of the ho is 1.59234076’ and the thickness is 1.06156051’? Now we’re seeing the shape of a woman. Not exactly anatomically accurate, but bear with me. Multiple the two together, round down (I was generous with the measurements) and you get 1.69 square feet of bootylicious ho.
So, since the average floor space of a cabana is 100 feet, and the average ho takes up 1.69 feet, how many hoes can Ty$ fit in his cabana?
Holy smokes, that’s a lot of ho’s. Granted, there would be very little room to move around, but the more hos the merrier, right?
But wait… space is three-dimensional, and these ho’s are only a little over 5 feet tall! We could get a lot more ho for our buck! What happens if we cram as much ho possible into the cabana (i.e. 8.76167445 cubic hoage into the 1000 cubic feet of cabana)?
Man, we’re squeezing a crazy amount of woman into this bungalow!
But now there’s no way to smang a female. We need a bed in this cabana, or at least a mattress. King size, obviously. 76”x80” translates to 6.33‘x6.66’. Wiki answers says the average height of a king size mattress is 2.5 feet, so altogether, that’s 105 cubic feet of king size. How many hos can we cram into 895 (1000-105) cubic feet of cabana?
Boy, this is exhausting. Not just for me, but for the ho compactors hard at work for Ty$.
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