April 4, 2012 15 comments
It’s an impressive feat for an artist to achieve mainstream success with his or her debut album. It’s even more commendable if that artist replicates (or even eclipses) that debut with their second album. Indeed, the sophomore slump is the most dreaded outcome facing today’s musicians.
The success of an artist’s second album is the earliest indicator of longevity within the industry. It cements an artist’s acceptance by the record-buying public, and represents a signal to labels to allocate these artists more resources (re: budget and promotion). Put simply, it’s what separates the Eminems from the Vanilla Ices, the Beyonces from the Keri Hilsons, the Jackson 5s from the B5s. While many artists try to avoid this fate by channeling their efforts into their material, the less talented often rely on gimmicks to generate interest in their sophomore projects.
There is no better example of the latter than the most recent release by American preteen’s favorite
clown rapper, Nicki Minaj. Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded is an amalgamation of schizophrenic hooks, preschool rhymes, and an all around cacophony of styles. So instead of wasting everyone’s time with a review (I’d never give my Evernote the displeasure), I’d rather everyone benefit from Nicki’s lack of lyrical prowess. Without further ado, here are the Top 10 Most Ridiculous Lyrics on Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded.
10. “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” -Starships
What better way to start off than with a lyric Nicki stole from a children’s nursery rhyme? The problem with this lyric is not it’s origin (many rappers have successfully borrowed from kids’ rhymes before), but its context within the song. The preceding lyrics are “But fuck who you want, and fuck who you like. Dance all ya life there’s no end in sight.” So how exactly does that lead one to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? It doesn’t.
9. “Imma call you afro cause you never bald” -Masquerade
I get that Nicki is trying to target the Kidz Bop market, but this lyric is simply ridiculous (and I don’t mean ridiculous in the cult classic kinda way). This lyric is actually ridiculous.
8. “Witch, twitch, bitch! Motherfuckin’ right this is World War 6.” -Roman Holiday
Let’s start with the second part of the lyric. Apparently my education has been subpar because I missed the times we fought World War 3, 4, or 5. I hope America was at least on the winning side. And the random words at the beginning…I’ll chalk that up to a case of the bubble guts.
7. “Just met a boy, Just met a boy when…he can come inside of my playpen.” -Va Va Voom
No need for explanation, just marvel at the witty wordplay of the most influential person in hiphop.
6. “I pray you burn in hell and you never find the ocean.” -Fire Burns
This line is supposed to be Nicki’s attempt at wishing an ill fate to an unfaithful lover, but it reads more like something Drake would put in a chain text, and send to his ex lover. With so many female revenge ballads to use as inspiration, it’s comical this is the best Nicki could do. I mean she could’ve used this song, or maybe this song. Hell, even this would’ve been more convincing.
5. “Is that my cue? I’m looking for some brain to boost my IQ. I’m like 5’2, my SAT scores were high too.” -Whip It
With lyrics like these, Nicki, you probably forgot to put your name on the test for the free points.
4. “Come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant. I am Roman Zolanski.” -Roman Holiday
Not only did Nicki take a perfectly good hymn and mesh it with the name of a convicted sex offender, she didn’t even do it in a creative way. Honestly, who gave the green light on this fuckery?
3. “Sit that pussy on my bottom lip
Then after that you know we gotta switch
My house so big that bitch came with a lobby
We didn’t use a rubber, but I came on her body
I lay her down and kiss her neck and talk dirty to her
Like I get that pussy wetter than a dirty sewer
Fuck with me, turn around and bust it open for me
Get on that dick and get that money, go Oprah for me
All you girls don’t like me, cause they know you love me
But if you scared, go to church, it’s open Sunday” -Sex In The Lounge
Technically these are Lil Wayne lyrics, but they’re on Roman Reloaded and they’re dumb as hell. Don’t get me wrong, Lil Wayne has always been an abstract lyricist, but these are just childish. I haven’t really enjoyed a Lil Wayne verse since
he returned from Rikers “6 Foot 7 Foot,” and I probably never will. At this point, can we get just Lil Wayne some pills or at least some sizzurp? Am I a bad person for asking?
2. “Woohoo, dick in your face
Woohoo, dick in your face
Woohoo, dick in your face
Put my dick in your face
Put my dick in your face, yeah yeah!” -Come On A Cone
Here’s a challenge. Read these lyrics verbatim, and try not to laugh.
1. Stupid Hoe
The WHOLE. DAMN. SONG. This is probably the worst song Nicki has ever released, and yes, I’m including Massive Attack. To this day, I still can’t believe she thought she could release this as a
first buzz single. Shall we go over some of the lyrics?
“Look Bubbles, go back to ya habitat. MJ gone and I ain’t havin that.”
“Them nappy headed hoes, but my kitchen good. I wish I wish I wish I wish a bitch would.”
“Stupid hoes is my enemy, stupid hoes is so wack. Stupid ho shoulda befriended me, then she coulda prolly came back.”
Missy did not wear trash bags for this!
What makes these lyrics worse is that in trying to diss Lil Kim, Nicki made herself look like the bigger fool. The rhymes weren’t remotely clever, and they made her verse in Monster seem like a stroke of fate. Nicki also ends the song by saying, “I am the female Weezy.” At first I chuckled at the thought of such an exclamation. But you know what? With ridiculous lyrics like these, Nicki, you are the female Weezy. You really are.
In terms of rectifying the injustice to our ears, we can only hope Roman Reloaded flops, and Nicki is forced to go back to the drawing board. In reality, the album will probably sell well, and we’ll be treated to more lyrics that make even Ke$ha sound like Jay-Z. So look out for another one of these when her third album drops.
Props to Rap Genius for the lyrics.